gif by: madeadealwiththedevil
When I saw this interview it broke my heart.
The interviewer had made a statement, something along the lines of how he talks a lot about suicide, yet in real life he’s a nice guy; and she asks him why he’s that way. Oli responded with “you could be a nice guy that wants to kill himself” and the interviewer disagrees with him.
She has no idea what the fuck he’s been through and you could NEVER explain to someone who doesn’t understand. So it’s easier to just brush it off and tell them what they want to hear rather than to try to explain to them everything you wish you could. You just can’t. It’s clear that this woman does not care. She is an insensitive ignorant human being and once he realizes that he makes it clear to tell her:
"I don’t want to kill myself, don’t worry."
The fake smile that follows short after that statement is the reason I created this gif. It’s like in that brief moment you could see all of Oli’s world come crashing down at once. It’s like he is disappointed in himself. It’s that look that says
"I told you this because you’ll judge me and it’s what you want to hear, yet you have no fucking idea what I am going through and how much I truly wish I could believe that statement as much as you just did."
In this very moment I could feel the pain and hurt he’s going through and I want nothing more than to hug him and tell him that everything will be okay. He is going to be the one who makes it because I admire his strength and will power and choice to still be here. He’s an inspiration and it kills me to see such a forced, heartfelt smile of how much pain he’s really in.
This gif really means a lot to me because I’ve been there before. I can’t say that I fully understand his pain but I can promise you that I understand mine. I’ve been in the position where I’ve wanted nothing more than to just break down and let them know that I wasn’t okay, but instead I forced a smile on my face and said I was. It’s a horrible feeling and it’s even worse when you have to pretend to someone who doesn’t give two shits whether you live or die. This breaks my heart because I completely fucking feel for him.
Thank you Oliver Sykes for being the person and inspiration that you are, to not only I, but to many other people. Keep fighting and keep on smiling.
Just because he’s famous doesn’t mean he’s happy. Just because he has so many fans, doesn’t mean he can’t feel alone. Sometimes the main person in the biggest crowd feels the most invisible. And just because he’s loved doesn’t mean he can’t hurt.
full interview here